My Alcohol Game-Plan

Walking into a bar, a restaurant, or stadium without an alcohol game plan is recipe for disaster. While the exact details can be winged based on availability and price, the general outline of one’s drinking intentions should be well thought out heading in. For an alcoholic experienced drinker like myself, I have ironed out the various types of drinking I intend to do down to a science.

Setting: Weekday Happy Hour
Drink of Choice : 5-6 of whatever the best beer deal is
aHappy hour is amazing. Anytime you can break up the monotony of 5 boring weekdays of the work-gym-TV routine with some beer and friends, you should. That being said, I am neither trying to get TOO drunk or spend TOO much money on a random Tuesday night. I will stick with the value play and drink a moderate amount of the best beer deal the bar has. Whether that is Yeung-Ling, whatever is on tap, or a pitcher of Coors Light – count me in.

Setting: Dinner with Girlfriend
Drink of Choice : 2-3 Whiskey Drinks
aA dinner with just your significant other will, at most, last an hour and a half. On top of that, you are relying on a busy waiter to bring you your precious alcohol. For those reasons I find it best to get as buzzed as possible with either a classic whiskey soda or whatever the restaurant’s best cocktails are. It will be pricier than beer, yes, but some Jack and coke will have me feeling just right and not make me bloated for the meal.

Setting: Football Parking Lot / Stadium
Drink of Choice: 10-15 Bud Lights
aI am a firm believer that there is no “wrong” way to get drunk. That said, there IS a “right” way. And for a tailgate and the subsequent NFL game, that way is by downing as many bud lights as humanly possible. Before you even walk into the stadium you should be peeing Bud Light, if not throwing it up. Getting 10 or so in you before taking your seat is the most cost effective way to go, as stadium beers tend to put an ugly dent in your credit card statement. Trust me, I have been called more than once by Capital One because “someone” made 7 of the same $10 transactions in 2 hours at Giants Stadium…

Setting: On a Beach
Drink of Choice: 5-6 Seasonal Beers or 2-3 Fruity Cocktails
aIts hot out and you just got out of an intense football game that evolved into a wrestling match – the last thing you want is a stiff pull of whiskey or a heavy stout. You want something crisp, light, and maybe even fruity. I am talking Blue Moon, Sam Adams Summer Ale, or even a summer shandy. If there are ladies in the group pounding Bahama Mama’s or Miami Vices – even better. Whatever cools you down while also making you drunk is the play. Also – Corona is a must for the cooler.

Setting: Saturday Night at the Local Bar
Drink of Choice: 7-8 Light Beers and 2-3 Shots of Whatever
aWhen you are out bull-shitting with friends and/or hitting on anything that moves, the last thing on your mind is the quality of your alcohol. You just need something to keep you drunk and feeling good. Enter generic light beers and shots of whatever floats your boat. Tequila tends to bring out the best (worst?) in people, so that is always a fun play. Though Vodka and Whiskey are probably more cost effective.

Setting: Wedding
Drink of Choice: Everything
aAre you paying for these drinks? No? Good, so drink whatever the hell is handed to you. Mix beer and liquor, crush champagne with the brides Grandma – hell rip some Rumplemintz for all I care. The hangover will be incredible but there are only so many chances to A) Drink for free B) Not worry about driving home and C) dance with your best friends.

I don’t know about you, but I am ready to drink. Tonight’s choice? Seeing that it is currently a rainy Wednesday and I hate my job – I will be drinking my sorrows. Cheers!

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